There are three paradigms that I categorize people in. Most are stuck in the first two with few being in the third. Those paradigms are having, doing, and being. The having paradigm people think they have it or they don’t. Doing paradigm is where people think they have to do something to get a result. The last one is being where just by being who you are things happen automatically. You can audit these by seeing what it is you are doing by trying to become enough. These paradigms are not bad in themselves. I am just bringing awareness to you so you can bring awareness to them in your life.
The having paradigm is exactly what it says. A person is who they are by what they possess or own. I am what I have. The more one has the more high status they think they have. The general mindset in this is grief and victimhood. The person thinks they have no control over their circumstances. You’re either born into riches or born into poverty and that is just how it is. The person in this paradigm thinks they would be different if they just had more money, better looks, better job or better lover. The person in this paradigm loves the rags to riches story. They play the lottery all the time. Thinking if they could just win the lottery they would be worthy. Now that technology has made it easy for everyone to play the stock market they jump in and try to get rich playing the stock market without any knowledge what so ever on how the stock market works. The whole mindset here is they are thinking luck will do it for them. They are just waiting for someone else or something else to do it for them. The mindset is I am what I have.
In this having paradigm people think that anyone who has became wealthy or successful were very unethical in doing so. The reason why this person has not become rich is because they are morally superior. They blame their lack of success on a moral high ground. Im going to let you in on a little secret here. There are tons of poor and middle class people who have no morals at all. Quit blaming the rich for all your failures. There are lots of good rich, middle class and poor people, but there are also tons of people in these areas who have no morals. So the mindset in this paradigm is the only way to get success is to be lucky, unethical or inherit it. You either have it or you don’t. There are a lot of excuses, coping and thinking small in this paradigm.
As one starts moving up they start tapping into the doing. This is where one realizes that they need to take responsibility for their life instead of being a victim. With that said some people need to be in the victim mindset to realize they need to start doing something to change their life. They have to see that the way they were brought up they could not do anything about it, but as you get older and or wiser you can take responsibility for your own life. This is where the the self help community thrives in. Self help throws this group of people into I am what I do. When I first hit the doing paradigm I rode my bike every day and read book after book after book. I could not get enough exercise or knowledge. Im just showing you these paradigms so you understand them and can move through them. It is all about changing your default mode. If you are learning on my website you are ready for the information. A person who is not ready will just think all this default mode stuff is bullocks and go about their life.
In the doing paradigm people think they have to keep doing something to make themselves better. They fear that if they stop they won’t be good enough. Audit this with things in your life that you can’t take a break from. Most will have workouts they think they have to do all the time, dieting they have to do, work they can’t miss, etc. These are all great habits, but they can be revealing if you dig deeper. There are different coping mechanisms the mind has. Im basically trying to show you how you don’t need coping mechanisms. People usually move out of paradigms because they have had enough. They hit rock bottom. It’s a catalyst event that makes one change. Everyones event is different. There will be different moments in your life when you say enough is enough. This gets people out of the having paradigm and realizing they can do something about their life. Problem is they have to keep doing something that makes them feel worthy. This is why the self help industry is exploding. People think if someone who they see as an authority figure is telling them to do something it must be great. So they do it over and over. If they stop doing it then their new world will fall apart.
It is good that people take the action to make themselves better but they are lacking that deep self esteem in the doing paradigm. They have not released the trauma in their life. When you meet people who have a deep sense of self esteem you push them away because you come across as needy. Hustling is not enough you must release trauma and focus on inner beliefs. You must see what is limiting you. You can learn all the information you want, but it does not change you internally. The doing paradigm is where a lot of people get burnt out. In this paradigm you can not stay there because it is very draining. One will either finally figure out what they need to do and move up to being or they will revert back to having. They realize that its not sustainable and they get burnt out, so they revert back to being a victim. I will try to show you the key to moving up to being. You can not compensate self worth with a lot of action.
In the doing paradigm you are self qualifying yourself. You are not connected to your creative force or authenticity. People in doing paradigm will constantly brag about themselves or their kids. If they don’t get the attention they think they should have they get mad and find someone else or somewhere else where they can get the attention they think they deserve. So people in the having paradigm have a victim mindset and people in the doing paradigm have a look at me mindset. Sometimes you will come across people who have one foot in each paradigm. These people are really needy and brag about themselves at the same time. For the most part people in doing have to keep doing something to qualify themselves. You don’t want to stay there but it’s better than not doing anything.
What you want is to be in the level of being. You are not what you have or do, but you are who you are. I am what I am. You do not need things or to do things to have value. Your value is in simply who you are. Being has a deep level of being good enough by default. You can still take action and have things, but they do not determine your self worth. You do not have to justify your existence. You have a root of high level self esteem. People who have this high self esteem will be repelled by others who are in the having and doing paradigm. When you are in the being paradigm you don’t need to qualify yourself. You are quality. You lead by example. It is like a great athlete. They lead by example, but a lot of times their confidence is seen as arrogance. See my Confidence versus Arrogance post. It’s the same way in the real world. When you have that powerful self esteem it will sometimes come across as arrogance.
There is a difference between self improvement and self acceptance. You are enough. You are a God or Goddess. You can learn all the things you want, but if it’s coming from a paradigm of compensation it devalues it. Learn all the things you want to! Do it from a place of self acceptance. People can tell if you are authentic or not. If it comes across to them as you are needing validation or compensation they will not listen to you. No matter how much value you offer other people if they see that you are in it for yourself they will go another way. There is a saying in coaching, “Players do not care how much you know until they can see how much you care”. Most coaches do not want to coach. They just want to recruit good players who will get out there and make them look good. Until coaches care about the players more than trying to make themselves look good, they will never get the respect of the players. It is the same thing in you bringing value to this world instead of trying to make yourself look good or be accepted.
When you love yourself even the little things you do seem real to others. Giving little compliments to others makes their day. When you are needing validation from others it does not matter how big of a compliment or gift you give someone, it never really means much to them. Focus less on doing and focus more on being. When you focus on being everything you do means so much more. Everything you have means so much more. It all starts with the being. Core confidence has to be your default. If it comes from doing something or having something then you are not good enough. We are all chasing or justifying our existence. We have to let go. Let go of all the lies that tell you that are not good enough. Let go of the beliefs that don’t help you. Let go of experiences that effected you and made an imprint on you. Let go of the negative energy that brings you down. This is how you work on being.
When rich people are miserable its because they have not worked on being. When poor people are happy they have worked on being. Stop doing and start being. Most people will do to have in order to be. It has to start with you being. What is being? It is being the hero of your own life instead of being a spectator. Get out of the mindset that there are the have and have nots. Quit worshiping celebrities and athletes. Quit scratching those lottery tickets. There is no secret little loop hole or magic pill to take to change everything in your life. You can take control of your life.
You need the foundation that you are good enough. Someone who thinks they are not good enough has a massive obsession with looks and money. Then you have others who think they can say or do certain things to make themselves good enough. Quit attaching yourself worth to an action or thing. Start from the being then go out and do to have. There is a spiritual trap of just being and not doing and having. This is bullocks! You must interact with the world, but you have to have the foundation. Most don’t understand the concept of being. To be or not to be, that is the question. I get a lot of resistance when I say this is what Shakespeare meant in Hamlet. It is not about suicide and death. It is about dying from your old ways and being! Being who you were born to be. If you do not you will go through all these charades your whole life and someone else will claim your kingdom. To be or not to be, that is the question.