Fix the Inner World

Everyone is trying to fix the outside world right now.  They believe that if they can make the world bend to their will they will feel better.  If one would just ask themselves why they do anything, they would find out it’s all about making themselves feel better.  Why do you set goals and achieve them?  Because it makes you feel good.  We are all trying to feel a state of abundance within.  All because this world tells us that we are not good enough.  

People try to feel abundance from within by focusing on the external, our their situation in life.  We try to make more money, travel, get more friends, buy things, seek approval, etc. This is the route the world takes because we think this will change how we feel inside.  When one does not work on their inner self it does not matter how much money you have.  You will still be miserable.  If you are poor and miserable you will drink cheap alcohol.  If you are rich and miserable, you will drink expensive alcohol.  If you are poor you will escape with video games.  If you are rich you will escape with traveling.  You will still feel awful because you have not fixed the inner world.  Money only gives you more resources to escape yourself, distract yourself, numb yourself or medicate yourself.  

I assume that since you are on my website you have a certain understanding of this.  You may have tried everything and you still feel like crap.   You might understand this, so you decide to go deeper and seek spiritual nonsense, self help crap or new age garbage.  So you read a lot of books, gather a bunch of information, think positive, attend events and meditate.  Even all this will not change the way you feel at your core.  Why does it not change how you feel?  Because the inner world effects everything.  We think that focusing on the effects will get to the cause.  You must start with the inner world.  Abundance should be your starting point not your goal.  Get to the cause.   

It does not matter what you do, it is still your experience of it.  People spend their entire lives going after the wrong things trying to make themselves feel better.  The three main things human beings are searching for is approval, control and security.  Think of all the things you do for approval, validation, recognition and acceptance.  How does this run you?  Do you dress a certain way?  Do you act a certain way?  All for the approval of someone or society.  Getting the approval of strangers is crazy in itself.  We think that if we get enough people to like us, we will have made it.  This is why everyone wants to be famous.  We think that if enough people approve us we will approve our self.  People who are this way go crazy when a person disapproves of them.  So in reality having a lot of approval makes disapproval hurt more.  All fame does is puts you in the eyes of a lot of people.  No sane person would want that.  

We want approval because of the way we were raised.   When you are a baby or child you depend on others to raise you and teach you.  As a child if you did something that got disapproval from someone you looked up too, it really felt like your world would fall apart.  If you got disapproval from you parents you really thought that they would abandon you and if they abandon you then you would die.  This is the exact reason people chase approval.  We seek approval in a couple of ways.  One is to try to get everyone to like us and the other is trying to get one person to like or approve us.  Seeking approval will never change your core.  

Another way is we try to control the outcomes in our life.  We think that if we control other people and control our outcomes we can have a complete life.  Trying to take control causes paranoia.   It makes you think that life is against you.  This one hit me hard.  I don’t try to control other people, but I try to control my outcomes.  They main reason I got into Magic was to try to take more control of my life.  A lot of people get into Magic for this reason.  You will never control the outside world.  Magic is to control the inside world.  There is a huge difference.  I used to think that if I don’t mettle with life then life would get me.  The more you try to control the outside world the more you think life is out to get you when things go wrong.  We live in a world of duality.  The pendulum will swing both ways.  The only thing permanent in this world is change.  Nothing stays the same.  By trying to control things you are going against the flow of life.  By doing this you will always be disappointed.  When things don’t go your way they tear you up inside.  What ends up happening is the things you are trying to control end up controlling you.  It is very hard.  I personally know how hard it is, but you have to let go of trying to control everything outside of you.  

We all try to seek security.  We think if we have enough money, approval and control we will be safe and secure.  Im going to let you in on a little secret.  There is no such thing as being safe and secure in this world.  Everything is always changing.  We all die.  If you could predict every outcome, life would literally suck.  What we are really seeking is approval from ourselves, control of our inner world and safety and security within.  If you are stuck in a state of fear it will control your surroundings.  You will fear what others think, what outcomes will happen, if you’re good enough, etc.  If you are stuck in victim mentality you think everything is everyone else’s fault.  If you are stuck in anger, you think everything sucks.  We are all controlled by what’s going on within!  It colors your surroundings.  Where ever you go there you are.  You must attack the cause.  

Question why you think you are not whole.  The more you try to become enough or whole reinforces the thoughts that you are not enough or whole.  Only someone who believes they are not good enough is trying to become enough.  Im not saying you shouldn’t work on different aspects of your life.  If you want to become good at something you need to work at it.  Im saying to quit trying to make yourself feel whole with things outside of you.  If you want to play an instrument, thinking you are good at it is not going to make you better at playing it.  You must practice it to get better.  By thinking you need to work on making yourself whole means you are not whole to begin with. What people do when they realize it doesn’t work that way is they try to bring others down by making others not feel whole.  

Why do we assume we are not whole or good enough?  What if you actually are whole or good enough?  What if you have bought into a lie?  What if we let go of all the things that keep us believing the lie?  Think of all the things that keep telling you that you are not good enough.  Past trauma, the way you have been conditioned, things you have repressed, core beliefs, etc.  Trying to be enough is like counting to infinity.  We are trying to find the infinite in the finite.  Abundance is the starting point.  Go play the game of life.  Accomplish goals then set more goals.  Just don’t let the outcome effect how you feel at your core.  Inner abundance or feeling whole can not depend on anything.  There can not be any conditions or requirements.  Let go.  

There are two worlds inside of you.  The conscious and the subconscious. Things you see and things you don’t see.   All the things that are keeping the lie alive that you are not whole is buried in your subconscious.  There are layers of resistance to keep you from ever becoming aware of it.  You do not know what you don’t know.  What you don’t know is in the subconscious.  That is the alchemical gold.  All the traumatic experiences you had growing up are suppressed in the subconscious out of site.  We lock the door to the subconscious and throw away the key.  What we don’t realize is that it is what is running us.  We have all been conditioned the same way.  We want approval growing up and what is acceptable is part of me and what is not acceptable is thrown into the subconscious.  For most it’s never to be seen again, but this invisible force is running our life.  Becoming aware of what is locked in the subconscious is the biggest challenge you will ever have.  Once you become aware of it you can let go of it.  

This is the reason people hate to sit in silence with themselves.  When you sit in silence the inner world starts leaking out from behind the locked door.  That ego voice will start saying things that you do not want to hear.  The ego wants to be in charge, so it will bring up all the negative stuff.  It will say the worst things.   Just think if you talked to someone the way your ego talks to you.  We live our lives to try to drown that voice out, instead of trying to address what is down in the invisible world.  It is not comfortable to become aware of what is down there.  Its the process of becoming aware of the things you have disowned your entire life and processing them.  People minds are literally Gollum.  Because they have not quieted the tyrant within they accept and follow the tyrants in the outer world.  Fix Gollum and you fix your world.  You wear a thousand faces when you don’t fix your inner world and it is the reason you can’t see the truth.  Fix your inner world and find out your true identity.